I can find it. Not consciously, another way. It’s out there and when I find it I can be at peace.
To reach that place. Mind set free in a confined space. Leave the key in the house and just sit in the driver’s seat. Can’t turn the ignition without the key. No danger.
It happened long ago. If only I could remember. I was in no state to remember, thought I’d always know. Now I’m stuck searching. Friends, lovers, parents, my brother and sister, they don’t know. They’ll try to help. Big hearts, good intentions. My fault when they leave, not theirs.
Or it’s in a future I once foresaw, in a dream I can’t live. Can’t wait for it, how could I? I’ll seek it every day. Everything will make sense when I find it. Then I’ll matter.
It’s ethereal, surrounding me. It’s infinite but fleeting. Feeling for it with unnatural senses, heightened but must go further.
Bottom of the bottle. Didn’t find it today, maybe tomorrow. Blind faith until I see it, no room for doubt. I know it’s real. I’ll find it or die trying.